Rugby : A bunch of men trying to kick the ball over the bar. Or failing
that placing it under the bar by hand. Or to either side. Or kicking the
ball out of play in a really clever way. It's very tactical apparently.

Golf : Two men trying to get a ball down a hole as quickly as possible.

Tennis : The same two men trying to hit a smaller ball over the top of a
perfectly acceptable onion bag. It can bounce once, but twice is bad.

Cricket : You tell me.

American Football : Killing your wife and getting away with it.

Snooker : Hitting a ball with your stick and hoping it goes in a hole.
Or stopping the other person from doing it by spoiling the game. Surely
this game should've been called "Twat"?

Athletics : Going in a circle. Faster than the other guy who took the
drugs to make him go faster, but he's now “clean”. You can "boo" him but
you can't express a political opinion.

Motor Sports : See above.

--
"If you were on a rocket flying to the moon the man you would want
sitting next to you would be Tony Mowbray"
Bruce Rioch, 1986

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